Dear Ed Hardy,

Settle down. Take a step back. We know you love rhinestones more than a 12 year-old girl. Could you please just use them sparingly,  or if you can’t do that maybe you could consider making your prices slightly less ourtageous – because that would be really great too.

Don’t get me wrong – If you did lower your prices I still would’nt buy your shirts, hats, or panties for that matter. However lowering your prices would make you less cool of corse because no one wants to show off their reasonably priced, flamboyant rhinstone enlaced shirt, they want to show off their $300 dollar flamboyant t-shirt that will start to deteriorate after one wash – but don’t worry your target audience doesn’t wash their clothes anyway.

Now look at this broseph, dropped a cool 2g’s on his wonderfully flamboyant outfit. My god, isnt he cool – mathching shirt, shorts, slip-ons, sun glasses and probably a thong underneath there too. All of this so he could go stand by a small airplane, sounds great.

Or maybe you could look like some sort of Ed Hardy-Hitler combo package, like this Sir. Cool enough to stand with his hands on his ass, and to not show his face- although his neck does look mighty fine. Mr. Hardy do people buy this? Its… Uh unique, I’ll give you that – but so is naming your kid Apple, and that’s not cool either.

Hitler and Ed Hardy may have had a child.